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Gloria: [About cutting Phil's hair] I guess I could. I do Jay, why can't I do you?
Phil: You.. can do me...
Cam: I never though I would enjoy having an arch enemy, but I do, Mitchell, I do.
Mitchell: Oh... I feel terrible. I haven't been to the gym in 6 weeks... And I ruined Cam's event.
Luke: Are you gonna get upset and eat all the appetizers again?
Cam: It's amazing what you notice and what you don't notice! [Points at open fly]
Cam: Shouldn't you be getting back home to Donald? That is the name of your cat, isn't it?
Phil: Happy Valen-Birth-Iversay!
Gloria: Wait a minute... Not even crazy woman go crazy without a reason!
Manny: You keep this up and this won't be the last plug I pull.
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